Highlights

The highlights of the year two thousand twelve in a few words...

January- closure and letting go
February- decided to come Austria
March- finally visited Kelsey at Notre Dame
April- turned 22
May- prayed a lot that I'd pass thermodynamics, major senioritis and lots of excitement
June- passed thermodynamics, graduated and became a NCC alum, moved home
July- challenging and useful preparation, shopping, Martini Mondays
August- Chipotle and Starbucks in Naperville, said lots of 'see you laters', got on and off a couple airplanes and finally got to hug the Gehring's, and finally met Mikal
September- culture shock, my German course, met my other half- Sarah,  homesickness, and YAG
October- guitars and praise team, adjusting to a lot of free time
November- challenges, my second Thanksgiving not in America, still homesick
December- went to Salzburg, got a 95 Euro OBB fine, Christmas markets, first St. Nikolaus day, first Christmas not in America, first Christmas in a foreign country- loved it and definitely adopting some of the traditions, learned some carols on guitar, saw a Christmas tree with REAL candles on it, not so homesick and feeling quite happy.

I guess I sort of just wanted to get in one last post before the clocks and calenders chime in a new year. Looking back on this year is actually sort of hard. It's a bit difficult to remember in detail the parts before I got to Austria, but I think it's good for me to try. The more you understand about where you've been, the easier it is to maybe see where you could be headed. Maybe...but we'll see, I guess.

It's been an interesting and very challenging year, to say the least. It was filled with tons of changes and life lessons that I am so grateful for. When I started college, I did not think that six months after I would graduate I'd be doing what I'm doing now, not to mention where I'm doing it. However, since being here, I have not ceased learning all sorts of things about myself and others, family, the world, and most importantly God. I think one of the things He's been teaching me lately is that I cannot do life on my own. I simply cannot do it. I cannot pretend to be independent and self-sufficient; I cannot pretend that I have it all together because I will be found out eventually. I cannot be afraid to appear weak or to ask for help, nor should I wait until the last minute to do so.

This illuminating lesson hit me hard one night in particular and is why "got a 95 Eure OBB fine" is one of December's highlights. For those of you that are not aware, the OBB is the train line I take to and from Vienna (and pretty much everywhere else too). Do not worry, I was not purposefully being delinquent. I had a ticket, but I did not know that I had to stamp it before entering the train. When I showed it to the officer, he said I had a "guilty ticket", which was an incorrect English translation, and then proceeded to tell me that, "my friend should have explained it to me better" and printed out my fine on his handy little fine printing machine. Ick! It was all I could do not to screen and cry in this man's face, but I held it together until I was off the train and walking outside in the crisp Hollabrunn air. Then I started sobbing. The funny this was, it had just been snowing and there was a light but full layer of the white stuff on the ground. Even though the sky was dark, with the lights and the snow it was rather bright out. Unfortunately my emotions did not match the calm and peaceful scenery. Anyway, even though the fine was upsetting me, I quickly began to realize that I was crying for a much greater and more serious reason.
I realized that I have been trying to do a lot on my own; I have been neglecting to seek God and his guidance and direction in even the seemingly simple things. I've never been good at asking for help. Even as a student, I can clearly remember as far back as grade school, it would always be so hard for me to ask my teachers for help. I hated doing it. I hated being seen as the one who did not understand something or could not do something. If someone sees that I need help and offers, that's okay; it still isn't great, but it's easier. I can handle it better. Anyway, back to my not so little tumultuous trot in the snow, it eventually turned into a beautiful time of confession before my heavenly Father that I think was probably a long time coming. He led me to a quite spot on a bench in a little park; I just sat there and calmed down. He reminded me and showed me that He's been with me through this entire journey and that I am here for a very specific reason even if it has not yet been fully elucidated. Everything that I am learning and challenged by is only for my good. Only good. When I had still been walking around in the sobbing stage, I remember thinking that I just wanted to be at the part where I could at least chuckle about the fine, and sitting there on that bench, He got me to that point. I knew it would work out that He would provide for everything.
I think that night was a real turning point for me. Really. I was truly humbled and shown grace beyond measure. Since then I've sort of gotten back to my normal self, I guess you can say. I feel more comfortable and okay about making mistakes. Plus I know how to work the OBB system a little bit more. I guess some things I just have to learn the hard way, but at least I am learning them.

Happy End of 2012, everyone.

All the best,

Sarah