Today is the second time that I have started to compose a post...the first post after returning to the US. However, it is probably about the fiftieth time that compelling ideas and topics have come into my mind and, after having digested them awhile, had the resolving notion of, "I think I'll put that in my next blog post." Well, it's been nearly two months since I've been back, and I'm just now getting around to it...
My journey home from Austria was highly segmented, I feel... First there was leaving Hollabrunn and saying 'aufwiedersehen' to the Gehrings. Then there was leaving Vienna and flying into Dublin. Then there was the long bus ride (with WiFi!) from Dublin all the way up to Coleraine, Northern Ireland (NI). Then there was being reunited with Jillian. Then there was meeting all of the CSSM team members. Then there was the two weeks of "working," a.k.a going to the beach, playing circle games, and having water fights and messy quizzes, with 13-17 year old students and sharing with them about Jesus all whilst bonding with aforementioned team members. Then there was the end of the team and taking down the tents and getting to see Lauren and Andy. Then there was the New Horizon conference (amazing free christian conference in NI) and seeing Gareth and Chad and some more member of the CSSM team. Then there was the day in Belfast. Then there was the bus journey from Belfast to Dublin. Then there was the flight from Dublin to Chicago. Then there was surprising my parents by entering from another direction but then their own little surprise directed right back at me in the form of Jessi! Then there was my first supper and round of expository conversation at Chipotle. And, finally, there was the ever so familiar 2.5 hour drive from the Chicago suburbs to Dunlap and all its corn and soybean fields and, of course, my cute little white house.
During all of these segments, my head was all abuzz with all sorts of things. To say that I was missing people and places at each stage would be an understatement. To say that I was wishing that everyone could just fit into my suitcase would not do them enough justice. To say that I was becoming more uncertain and excited and slightly anxious about returning to America would not even begin to scratch the surface. I was about to come back to a place that I hadn't called home in eleven months, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. There were a lot of unknowns in nearly every category of my life. How had people changed? Were people going to understand me or at least try to? Was I going to cry a lot? When was I going to find a job and start paying for stuff? What church was I going to go to? How was I going to keep in touch with all of these people hours and an ocean apart, and who was going to make an effort in keeping in touch with me? How would it be living at home with my parents again, when I hadn't for basically five years? And, most importantly, after changing positively in certain ways while being away, were those changes going to stick now that I was back? All of these questions and more floated in and out out my mind all throughout the culmination of my time abroad. Sometimes I stayed on them long enough and tried to come up with workable solutions, or in some instances the many steps to a final solution. Now, after almost two months, I do have some answers. Some...
People had changed, but not dramatically. Dramatic is a word better used to describe the changes in certain circumstances rather than certain people.
Some people understand me and some don't, but most of them at least try.
I did cry, but not a lot; there were also those times that I wished I could cry but couldn't - such a girl thing.
I got a part-time job at a clothing store, which I actually really enjoy; I'm still applying for full-time jobs.
I decided, as of a few days ago, that I'm staying at Peoria First Nazarene and helping out with the youth group and possibly music stuff too! Yay!
I got a smart phone the day after I got back with lots of fun (and free) chatting and messaging apps.
Being twenty-three and living with your parents has it's ups and downs, but I'm trying to focus on the positives, of which there are indeed many.
All the rest, I just try and take a day at a time.
About two weeks ago I think I was starting to crack at the seams. Someone asked me, for the hundredth time, "Are you excited to be home?" I gave what was probably an unconvincing "yeah" as my answer, but the real answer was a resounding "NO". That word, 'excited', and all its variations are no longer what I use to describe being back, and it hasn't been for a good while. I think the 'excitement' wore off after about a week or two into my new job. Don't misunderstand - I like my job just fine, but the novelty has worn off, and so lately all my life had really consisted of was going to work and being at home doing...well, not a whole lot. I hadn't seen a lot of my friends all that much, unsure of their new schedules and being to lazy to ask, which is clearly my own fault. I felt like I had all this energy and motivation to do stuff with people but no where to expel it, which was then in turn draining me, making my true extroversion shine. And then things started looking up. All in the span of one weekend. Lauren gave me a good life coaching session and then later that night I met up with her and Caroline and a couple new faces at a pub. Then there was the Pumpkin Festival and seeing more good friends...you get the picture. People were coming back into my life. I realize that I won't get to see everyone as much as I'd like to or as much as I used to, and that's okay. I just have to make the most, even more, of the times when I do get to see them. And now, finally, there is the excitement of committing to and getting involved in my church. I feel blessed with the opportunity, and I know God's got big things in store.
There's no doubt: Life was EXCITING in Austria and in NI. But it is here too... It's just different, that's all. And different isn't always bad; I, of all people, should know that by now.
Until the next time...
Sarah
Interesting read!
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