Welcome Back: Now, Get out of the Dog House

I fully intended on keeping up with this blog when I returned, but clearly that has not happened. It has been a year (+ a few days) since I have been back in the USA and nearly 10 months since my last post, but I will not bore you with the details of all my life's ups and downs since then. A lot has happened. I have been growing and learning more than I thought was possible in a short time. I am not sure what sort of form this blog will take, and to be honest, it sort of seems silly to continue it. However, I enjoy the creative process of writing and putting thoughts on a page too much to give it up, so my goal is to figure out something worthwhile about which to write ...

...Today at work a mother called me about her son. She was in tears over his addiction and wanted information about rehab facilities in the area. She gave me a little more information about his current state of affairs to better help me help her, and by the end of it I felt truly saddened. I try not to let the callers affect my mood, but this one touched me for some reason. I began thinking, "what would it take for my mom to call a help line about me"? Granted, I do not have an addiction that brings me to illegal activity, but I have my own share of issues.

Then I started thinking about addictions and their source. Like every other problem we face as sinful human individuals, it starts with the heart. What is broken in that child's heart that needs to be mended? And how does his heart become mended? Darkness engulfs both the unsuspecting and suspecting victims, and with it brings worry in all its selfish glory and so blinds us to reality. The reality being that we need not stay stuck in the dark. The reality is that there exists One True Light that, if you let Him, eradicates the dark. He flushes out the worry that so quickly adheres to and paralyzes the heart, soul, and mind, and He refills it with peace. If I hadn't encountered this mother's request at my job, I would have loved to talk to and explore this reality with her. Yes, I believe that her son needs to be admitted to an inpatient rehab facility. I also believe that his rehab will have very little lasting effects if his heart is not truly mended by and at rest in his Creator- the one who wants to lavish him with perfect unfailing love and who wants to show him light. The one who wants to heal him and seal him for life eternal.

Eventually, I began thinking about what paralyzes my heart and what causes me to act in ways in which I know are either hurtful to myself or others but mostly-- both. From what hurt does my heart need mending? From what do I need to let my Creator heal me? I don't have a definitive answer to these questions, but they are still worth asking nonetheless. Right now, the answer may be "nothing". And that is fine and good; however, I know that there will come a day when my answer will not be "nothing". We humans are good at keeping ourselves in the dog house of our souls until we feel like we are good and ready to finally be healed and cleansed from our problems, especially when they hurt others, like this child's addiction is hurting his mother. Well, that need not be the case. The less time we keep ourselves in our self-made dog houses, the sooner we can see the light and accept the forgiveness that our Creator is so freely offering. So tonight, I pray for that mother and her son. I pray that Light would come to them in the form of Jesus Christ and that they would be healed and that their hearts would be mended.

Peace, Joy, and prayers to you,

Sarah

Keep my Hands Open

Something else occurred to me a couple weeks ago. It was really late and I was sitting in my cozy little nook in my room writing in my prayer journal. I came to a certain subject that had me quite worked up emotionally and was just weighing too heavily on my mind and heart. I lifted the pen and started crying out to God. "Please, God, just take it away. I need you to just take it away," was my plea. How often do I ask God to do such a thing, but in reality I want him to change the situation so that it makes me more comfortable? How often do I ask God to control something, when really what I'm asking is for him to make it go 'my way'? How often do I ask God to take something, when all along I'm still the one that's clinging to it for dear life? And that's when it hit me.

I need to keep my hands open at all times. 

The Lord gives, and he takes away. All the time he does this in our lives; it shapes us into the people he's called us to be. He may give us one thing for a little while, but then once its season has passed, he removes it. Other times, after he removes it, he brings it back once we're ready to handle it again. But all the while, we must keep our hands open; for, the things that he gives us -whether it be time, money, relationships, or any other good thing - still all belong to him! 

If I try and clench my fists around something that he has blessed me with and deceive myself into thinking that it is allll mine...well it's going to be a lot more painful for me if and when the time comes for him to take it away. Have you ever tried to get free something in the tight fisted grasp of someone else, especially a small child? It can be a long painful process that is essentially unnecessary. It is especially unnecessary when the one who is trying to take it away has something better to put in its place! And that is what God does: He gives and takes away things in our lives at just the right times all for our GOOD. 

What's more, say God takes something away and gives you something else; however, unbeknownst to you, later on he plans on returning it. Well, if we close our hands around whatever we're holding on to and claiming as our own, that leaves no space for God to continue giving new things or returning things that we once had because our hands are closed! 

I want to be someone who always has my hands open ready to encounter God and to receive the things he wants to give and to freely let go of the things he want take. If I constantly have my hands open, blessings will flow much more smoothly. I think, that if my hands are open, then when it comes time for him to take something away, I'll be ready and it won't hurt as much- if at all. If I keep my hands open, then I think it will keep my heart open as well. An open heart is one that in all circumstances is ready to trust in and praise God and to love people. An open heart is one that is more easily molded to look like that of Christ, which leads to a clearer representation of the Gospel in this fallen and sinful world. 

Needless to say, after this all hit me, my plea became, "Keep my hands open, Father. Please, just keep them wide open."

I hope this was as encouraging to someone else as it was to me.

Blessings to you!

Sarah